moving forward <3

In OCD therapy (I’m always talking about OCD therapy bc it’s my main experience but I think this applies to a lot of people), there’s this whole thing where they talk about healthy versus unhealthy guilt, and I’ve always struggled with that a bit, because I don’t know if I’m capable of feeling guilt in a healthy way. Like even when my guilt is warranted, it becomes so huge and consumes me and makes me hate myself. So I really empathize with what you’re talking about and know how much that voice can absolutely overpower you. I think ultimately what resonates most for me is the question of what the guilt is facilitating. Like humans are social animals who evolved to feel guilt so we could live in community/ treat each other well/ repair when we need to. But sometimes guilt works the opposite way, where it just makes us want to turn inward and hide and stops us from acting at all. So what I try to do is ask myself, have I done what I need to do/ tried to repair/ is there nothing to do? And then it’s usually about just moving forward. Self-flagellation doesn’t really help anyone else, and ultimately just turns me inward and away from the things and people I care about. The world is a confusing place and relationships are hard and messing up is extremely part of that. Like there’s no way to live without messing up. So if I want to live in the world, I have to make peace with sometimes messing up, do what I can to repair or just learn from the experience, and then move forward. Idk, so much of life to me is just about moving forward, and making peace with imperfection. And usually that punishing voice you’re talking about is really just to hurt you, not to help anyone else. There’s a kind of basic question: how would I respond to a friend who had messed up? And usually the answer is like, encourage them to do what they need to do to move forward and also be SO much nicer to them than they’re being to themself. Sending you a hug <3